Atsushi Nakajima - 中島 敦 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moonlightbeast) wrote2022-02-15 09:28 pm
moonlightbeast) wrote2022-02-15 09:28 pmEntry tags:
PCs - Nogiku
Nogiku you need to talk to people omg
moonlightbeast) wrote2022-02-15 09:28 pm
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What's wrong? Want some of those?
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I don't get why they're locked away.
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[Well.
They will never find out, because a bubble immediately zips towards them and gobbles them up. Neat!]
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Nogikuuuuu! Why didn't you say a bubble was close?
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How is this my fault? You have eyes, too!
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[Atsushi no.]
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just
this face]
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I-I'm sorry! I'll pay more attention next time!
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So, do you plan to stand around and do nothing? It won't let us go until we give it something.
CW: child abuse, gore, foot trauma
[Time to reach out and touch that bubble and hope for the best! Except shit's fucked because look at them content warnings!]
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[PLEASE MIND THE CONTENT WARNING TAGS I CAN'T SAY THIS ENOUGH]
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The sound of the cane in the aide's hand is loud in the otherwise-silent room. Despite there being at least 20 kids present, as well as a handful of adults, nobody dares to say a thing. Everyone knows what's expected of them: obedience in the face of absolute tyranny.
The adults seem so tall to you. Even though you're already 11, your terrible diet has left you stick-thin and shorter than most kids your age. Even now hunger gnaws at your stomach, only quieted by the fear thrumming in your veins. You messed up and got caught again.
If you're lucky, they'll just deny you dinner and send you to bed with nothing.
You don't think you're going to be lucky this time.
The Headmaster drops a few small objects onto the floor. A handful of candies, all looking rather old and expired. Not even worth most people's time. But the Headmaster addresses you specifically when he says, "That candy. Where did you steal it from?"
"I...didn't steal it." Your voice is as quiet as a mouse, meek from fear over the punishment you know is coming.
The slap is so swift you barely notice it, until the sound reverberates through the room and suddenly your face stings. You try to keep from flinching, but you're only a child. You can only do so much. The fact that you're keeping back tears right now is an accomplishment for you.
The Headmaster speaks again, more firmly this time: "Where did you steal it from?"
"They were in the garbage in the nightwatch room. I found them while cleaning..."
It's the truth. But the truth has never mattered in this place.
"So you're telling me the candy is yours?" The Headmaster stomps his foot down near you, causing you to flinch involuntary. "Since when have you risen enough in this orphanage to have your own possessions?"
You can't even speak up to defend yourself. You should apologize, even if it's not your fault. But apologizing would be admitting guilt, and that will just get you punished sooner.
One of the other adults- a young woman- looks over to the group of children in the room. They're all the same as you: orphans, mostly from the recent war, trapped in this hellhole and struggling to survive. You already know, even before the adult opens her mouth, what she's going to say to them. Because it's what they say every time something like this happens. "Is anyone here willing to confess the truth?"
The truth doesn't matter here. This is just the game they play to encourage sabotage among the kids and divide everyone up. But it's a game everyone falls into neatly, time and time again. And, as usual, one of the small children raises their hand. "I saw him stealing candy from the storehouse."
This child didn't see that at all. But the answer he gets from that woman is clear enough. "Good job speaking up. Eight points for you."
In a world where you have to betray others to earn points to buy your daily meals with, lies like this are to be expected. And people like you, who are easy targets, always get the worst of it.
You feel the Headmaster's hand grab your hair, and you flinch instinctively. But then he starts dragging you down the hall, and the panic starts to rise within you. If he punishes you in front of the others, it's usually a lighter punishment. But when he separates you and takes you behind closed doors, those are the worst.
"I'm sorry!" Your voice is practically cracking from your screams as you try to grab for the Headmaster's hand and scramble to keep your feet under you. It hurts, being dragged like this, but you know that what's about to come is worse. And that's why your normally-meek voice has risen to the level of a panicked shout. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
Behind the closed doors of the Headmaster's office, you're made to pay penance by sitting still in thought to reflect on your actions. 'For education', he says. Because even though you're a 'child who has been abandoned by everything,' he still has a duty to educate you.
He even gives you a tool to 'help': a hammer and a nail, which you are commanded to use.
You try. You honestly try. You know it will hurt more if you don't do it yourself. It's always worse if you cry or break down without doing as you're told. But you're only a child, no child can do that to themselves. All you can do is sit there and bawl while the Headmaster admonishes you, saying, "I can see why your parents threw you out with the trash."
And then he takes the hammer and does the deed himself, leaving you with your foot pinned to the floor until long after the sun sets.
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Nogiku is silent for a long moment. When she speaks, her voice is barely above a whisper.]
... Nakajima-san?
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Sorry-
[His voice cracks, so he has to clear his throat and start again.]
I'm- I didn't mean for you to see something like that.
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It's okay.
[Quietly. A little gently and apologetic.]
I'm sorry I couldn't look away. [And then, with something else lacing her tone—] Is that damn bastard still alive?
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[That, at least, has given Atsushi some kind of closure from everything that happened in the past.]
I thought that, when he died, I could finally start to move on from everything that happened. But he only died a couple weeks before I was brought here.
[Which has brought its own kind of trauma instead.]
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[She does not seem to be joking about this. Her gaze softens, a moment later.]
What awful timing, huh...? You deserved the time to recuperate and move on from your past.