I don't know if you remember our conversation from that first week here, where we talked about how to communicate when we get home. I still don't know if we'll find a way to manage it. So I guess this is my attempt at 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst'. If we get separated and can't find our way back to each other, then consider this my final gift to you.
You don't have to read it all in one go! In fact, it's probably better if you read it one page at a time. Each page is a conversation, and even conversations need to be spread out over time.
I hope that my words here can be of comfort to you, Vin. I'll never forget you, and I hope you'll never forget me either.
Colors shape life here in the Prism. Each color has its own strengths and weaknesses, and we can only keep moving forward when we work together to form a rainbow.
It's the same everywhere else too. Even without magic colors, the need for cooperation is always present. You've spoken so fondly of your teammates, but part of me feels like you haven't learned to fully trust them yet. And I know, trust is dangerous in your world. But I think your teammates do have your best interests in mind.
Don't be afraid of those connections! Even if trust doesn't come easy for you, try to trust others, even a little bit. You'll be surprised by what that trust will bring you.
[At the bottom of this page is a drawing of a rainbow, but instead of the standard rainbow colors it's the eight colors of the Prism.]
I suppose I should tell you about what happened to Kyouka-chan, after the memory you saw. Since that memory ended at a difficult place and all.
Everything turned out alright! Kyouka-chan was brought to the Agency and got to stay with us. She had to work hard to pass her entrance exam, but she did well and was welcomed as a member of the Agency not long after. Ever since then, her and I have worked together to solve cases and help the people of Yokohama.
So I guess what I'm saying is, even after tough battles, things can turn out alright. You have a whole future ahead of you, Vin. And while I don't know exactly what you'll do, I'm sure you'll be great at it. But just remember: everything will be alright. You'll fight your tough fight, but you'll win in the end. And after that, you'll get to live a fulfilling life surrounded by all of your friends.
I really do like staying at the Amber apartment. It's the most home-y place I've ever stayed in. Everything is just warm and welcoming and it's so easy to feel like you belong there.
Having a home is important. It doesn't have to be as welcoming as Amber apartment is, so long as it's a home. A place to stay, a place to live and eat and spend time with the people you care about. It could be a cold tent in the middle of the forest even, but as long as you take the time to make it a home then it won't actually be that cold.
Be sure to keep a home, no matter where you end up. Because 'home' isn't just a place. It's where your friends and loved ones are too. So hold onto that home, alright? I'm sure you'll manage, but I want you to feel welcome no matter where you lay down your roots.
[This page has a drawing of Atsushi, Vin, Vanille, and Kumon, all sitting around a table drinking cups of hot cocoa.]
The Prism changes based on our thoughts and feelings. But as much as we change it, it also changes us. It twists our minds and exploits out greatest fears to get us to do the most horrible things imaginable. Week after week, we find ourselves at the mercy of the Prism.
It's scary, and I really dislike it.
Maybe that's why I keep trying to do fun things during the week. Even when we all know what the weekend will bring, being able to forget those horrible truths, even for a moment, is nice. And I guess that's what humans have always done, isn't it? Murder isn't exactly limited to the Prism itself, after all. You and I both have seen a lot of death before, we both know how cruel the world can be.
So...remember to have fun sometimes, yeah? Try not to be afraid, when you can. You have to look for the good even when you're seeing the worst humanity has to offer. Happiness isn't just given freely, it's fought for each and every day. Let yourself breathe and smile when you have the chance to.
'If you wallow in self-pity, then your world will be an unending nightmare.'
A mentor of mine said those words to me once. At the time I had gone through something particularly traumatic, and I could only think about how terribly I had messed up and how much of a burden I was on everyone. I was spiraling, and my mentor brought me out of the darkness with those words.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone will slip up. But if you let your mistakes eat at you, then you will suffer for it. You have to forgive yourself for your past failures and move on. They aren't black marks against your name, but rather they are valuable lessons you have learned. Mistakes are proof that you are growing.
I think that's what Dazai-san meant by those words. And I hope those words can be meaningful to you too.
1) go to the amusement park. 2) go to the shopping district. 3) the parks are nice! Visit them! 4) eat treats until you burst. 5) take the train around the city. 6) look up the 'Armed Detective Agency' and meet everyone there. 7) watch the sunset from the pier. 8) watch the fireworks from the ferris wheel. 9) [an address is written here] - say hi to Kyouka-chan! 10) anything else you want to do, the city is great.
This one is tricky! Everyone likes different things, and it's hard to say 'you'll love this book!' when you might have different tastes than me. But you'll never know what you like until you read a lot, so here's some places to get started.
Fantasy stories are nice! These ones are my favorite actually. I love stories of faraway places and 'happily ever after'. Even if they're not realistic, they build strange worlds that are fun to get lost in.
Poetry is good too. It takes a lot of skill to write a good poem, and you wouldn't think that for how short some of them are! It's also a lot quicker to read poetry, so you'll get a feel for if you like it or not pretty quickly. The rhythm of poetry is so great too. Look into music too, if you like poetry you might like music as well.
If you want to learn about other people, biographies are pretty great. People really are fascinating if you give them a chance. And who knows, maybe you'll learn a thing or two from other people that can help with your situation in your world.
And I guess I can say 'everything else too' here. All reading is good! Read a lot and find what you like!
dango inari sushi mochi (red bean or matcha flavor) chazuke more ice cream (find your favorite flavor!) dark chocolate (ask Kashuu for this) strawberry cake with whipped cream frosting
[It looks like he may have meant to write more but the rest of this page is blank.]
[There's some dried teardrops on this page which smudge some of the words, but they're still readable.]
There's a lot more of this book left that I wasn't able to fill in. I'm sorry. I wanted to say more, but I ran out of time.
So you should make use of this book! Fill it with everything you learn and see, so that you can look back on it someday and see how much you've grown.
You're going to do great things, Vin. Never doubt that you're capable. Someday, when you're old and grey and we finally reunite, I can't wait to hear about all of your adventures.
Forever yours,
Atsushi Nakajima
[There is also a drawing at the bottom of the page, which is also smudged by tears.]
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timeasmymeasure
Page 1
Date: 2022-03-13 03:02 am (UTC)Page 2
Date: 2022-03-13 03:15 am (UTC)[At the bottom of this page is a drawing of a rainbow, but instead of the standard rainbow colors it's the eight colors of the Prism.]
Page 3
Date: 2022-03-13 03:41 am (UTC)Page 4
Date: 2022-03-13 03:47 am (UTC)[This page has a drawing of Atsushi, Vin, Vanille, and Kumon, all sitting around a table drinking cups of hot cocoa.]
Page 5
Date: 2022-03-13 03:55 am (UTC)Page 6
Date: 2022-03-13 04:00 am (UTC)Page 7
Date: 2022-03-20 04:58 am (UTC)page 8
Date: 2022-03-20 05:08 am (UTC)Page 9
Date: 2022-03-20 06:26 pm (UTC)[It looks like he may have meant to write more but the rest of this page is blank.]
Page 10
Date: 2022-03-20 06:28 pm (UTC)[Then at the bottom in neat, slanted handwriting is another note:]
Page 11
Date: 2022-03-20 07:48 pm (UTC)[There is also a drawing at the bottom of the page, which is also smudged by tears.]