It's...not that I felt anything from you, exactly, but...
[...]
I have a lot of things inside of me that I'd rather other people didn't feel. And running away from it seemed like the best idea to avoid it at that moment, when I was unguarded and not trying to keep those 'things' squashed down like I usually do.
[He is. Torn. Because he is not going to admit to his crush, especially not after the talk he had with Jiuqing. That's a secret he'll be keeping until it's forced out of him.
But he does have feelings beyond that crush, so!]
Don't you feel it right now? It's like your stomach is unsettled, and that you might get sick if you're shoved around too much.
[Atsushi, describing the anxiety he feels all the time.]
[Oh nooo not the concern! He tries to project warm feelings purposefully, to show her that it's okay, he's not even feeling it that much right now. Except he's feeling it a little bit, because talking to your crush is difficult sometimes.]
It's okay, really! It's more like...background noise, usually. You get used to it.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-16 03:35 am (UTC)[...]
I have a lot of things inside of me that I'd rather other people didn't feel. And running away from it seemed like the best idea to avoid it at that moment, when I was unguarded and not trying to keep those 'things' squashed down like I usually do.
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Date: 2022-03-16 03:37 am (UTC)...I would - like to know what they are. I wouldn't have minded them, whatever they are.
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Date: 2022-03-16 03:57 am (UTC)But he does have feelings beyond that crush, so!]
Don't you feel it right now? It's like your stomach is unsettled, and that you might get sick if you're shoved around too much.
[Atsushi, describing the anxiety he feels all the time.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-16 04:00 am (UTC)[atsushi your anxiety]
But either way - you don't have to try to hide from me.
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Date: 2022-03-16 04:10 am (UTC)[Atsushi, noted 'broke binch'.]
I just don't want to make you feel bad, I guess.
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Date: 2022-03-16 04:14 am (UTC)[a little frown, though.]
A while ago you told me that I did not have to censor myself around you... I would say the same to you.
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Date: 2022-03-16 04:33 am (UTC)[Sometimes you just live with anxiety, it's fine.]
...I'll try not to censor myself anymore though. It's hard to break old habits, but I'll try.
[Because Vin's worth trying for.]
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Date: 2022-03-16 04:35 am (UTC)[he'll feel a little bit of relief and fondness as he says that.]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-16 04:41 am (UTC)[At least Atsushi knows enough to know that.]
It's something that won't ever really go away either. It's easier to deal with on some days than it is on others, but it's always there.
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Date: 2022-03-16 04:48 am (UTC)It must be difficult to deal with.
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Date: 2022-03-16 11:38 am (UTC)It's okay, really! It's more like...background noise, usually. You get used to it.
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Date: 2022-03-16 11:35 pm (UTC)[but a little bit of the concern fades away as he says that, at least.]
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Date: 2022-03-17 03:01 am (UTC)[He's honestly one of the more normal people in his canon, which is saying something.]
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Date: 2022-03-17 03:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-18 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-18 02:07 am (UTC)...It is a good way to look at it, I suppose.
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Date: 2022-03-18 03:04 am (UTC)Mhmm! And who knows, they say time heals everything. So better days might help, yeah?
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Date: 2022-03-18 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-18 11:39 am (UTC)[A pause, and a tiny bit of anxiety pops up there as he questions his word choice.]
Er, I mean. I hope you find plenty of peaceful days too. Not that I only want good days for me.
[He's not that selfish.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-19 01:13 am (UTC)I know you are not the type to wish luck for only yourself. Don't worry.