[well! that was horrifying. vin is pretty hard to shake most of the time, but even she can't help from seeming thrown off when she comes back to the apartment. she glances up when she sees atsushi, though.]
...Will you be alright?
[no present tense, because nobody is alright after that, probably.]
[Nothing is alright and everything is horrible. But he does reach out for Vin's hand automatically. Somehow holding hands has made everything slightly better this week, and he's hoping for 'slightly better' right now.
But he nods in response to her question. He will be alright eventually, yes. But for now, he's been shaken by that execution. For reasons that will become clear shortly.]
I...understand her, a little. Our situations weren't identical, but there were similarities.
[The screaming was the same. He had flinched at every scream from Marie's mother.]
[His past is something he's been running from for a long, long time. He's been trying to hide it away, only showing little bits here and there as it's been required of him. But should he really be keeping it in? Is it really helping anyone to force them to wait while he struggles with the scars his past has left him with?
'I just want you to know that whenever you do want to say something... I'll be here.' Someone had said that to him, once. Except he's not here anymore, Atsushi waited too long to open up to him, and now he'll never know.
He doesn't want anyone else to slip away without knowing, if they really want to know. Especially not if they're someone who's so important to him.]
I don't think I can tell all of it in one night. It was a nightmare that stretched on for years and years. But...I can explain a little, sure.
I'll explain that in a bit then. I should start back at the beginning, I think.
[Or at least as far back as he remembers. Speaking of which-]
I know most people don't really remember their first few years of life, but the gaps in my memory are a lot longer than 'a few years'. I think I was about eight or nine at the first memories I can actually recall. Everything before that is just...gone. I was already at the orphanage by then, so I don't remember my parents at all.
Not a clue. I don't ever remember what happens when- ah, that's getting ahead of myself, I'll get to that in a moment.
[I can't remember if he told Vin about the tiger powers yet, so Atsushi doesn't remember either.]
The orphanage was brutal for everyone. It was set up in such a way that the headmaster and the other adults working there could give points to kids who were following the rules or doing chores or things like that. But you had to spend points to get meals and basic necessities, so everyone was desperate to earn them. They quickly figured out that the fastest way to earn points was by tattling on other kids for rulebreaking, and they also figured out that they themselves could break the rules and blame it on other kids to earn more points.
I, er...I was often blamed for things I didn't do. Everyone saw me as an easy target, and the adults just believed them whenever the kids 'tattled' on me. And then because I wasn't earning very many points on my own, I had to steal food to stay fed. So when I got caught stealing food, I would get punished more.
[that's what she assumed, but upon hearing it... there's a clearly sympathetic expression as she shifts automatically, but seems to stop herself. after hearing that, maybe it's better if she asks first, despite touch week.]
I got kicked out of the orphanage because of my powers. At first I thought it was horrible, but I'm glad it happened. Because I left, I was able to find better people and make friends.
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timeasmymeasure
w2, sunday.
Date: 2022-03-07 01:42 am (UTC)...Will you be alright?
[no present tense, because nobody is alright after that, probably.]
cw: past child abuse
Date: 2022-03-07 02:24 am (UTC)But he nods in response to her question. He will be alright eventually, yes. But for now, he's been shaken by that execution. For reasons that will become clear shortly.]
I...understand her, a little. Our situations weren't identical, but there were similarities.
[The screaming was the same. He had flinched at every scream from Marie's mother.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 02:33 am (UTC)...Might I hear about it? You needn't speak of it if you would prefer not to, though.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 02:46 am (UTC)[His past is something he's been running from for a long, long time. He's been trying to hide it away, only showing little bits here and there as it's been required of him. But should he really be keeping it in? Is it really helping anyone to force them to wait while he struggles with the scars his past has left him with?
'I just want you to know that whenever you do want to say something... I'll be here.' Someone had said that to him, once. Except he's not here anymore, Atsushi waited too long to open up to him, and now he'll never know.
He doesn't want anyone else to slip away without knowing, if they really want to know. Especially not if they're someone who's so important to him.]
I don't think I can tell all of it in one night. It was a nightmare that stretched on for years and years. But...I can explain a little, sure.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 02:47 am (UTC)As much as you want to say.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 03:13 am (UTC)[It's going to be. A lot. Luckily the couches are very comfortable here.]
I told you that I grew up in an orphanage, yeah? And that I lived there until a couple months ago, when I was kicked out?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 03:16 am (UTC)I don't remember whether you told me you were kicked out, but...
[the rest she does remember.]
Might as well mark this whole thread as a content warning now
Date: 2022-03-07 03:48 am (UTC)[Or at least as far back as he remembers. Speaking of which-]
I know most people don't really remember their first few years of life, but the gaps in my memory are a lot longer than 'a few years'. I think I was about eight or nine at the first memories I can actually recall. Everything before that is just...gone. I was already at the orphanage by then, so I don't remember my parents at all.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 03:49 am (UTC)Nothing at all? Do you know why?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 04:16 am (UTC)[I can't remember if he told Vin about the tiger powers yet, so Atsushi doesn't remember either.]
The orphanage was brutal for everyone. It was set up in such a way that the headmaster and the other adults working there could give points to kids who were following the rules or doing chores or things like that. But you had to spend points to get meals and basic necessities, so everyone was desperate to earn them. They quickly figured out that the fastest way to earn points was by tattling on other kids for rulebreaking, and they also figured out that they themselves could break the rules and blame it on other kids to earn more points.
I, er...I was often blamed for things I didn't do. Everyone saw me as an easy target, and the adults just believed them whenever the kids 'tattled' on me. And then because I wasn't earning very many points on my own, I had to steal food to stay fed. So when I got caught stealing food, I would get punished more.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 04:20 am (UTC)[horrifying, honestly. she gives his hand a little squeeze.]
People are... often cruel, especially when put under those circumstances. But that does not mean you deserved it.
[she doesn't say it, but the fact that he didn't bow to those tactics even when the other children did - it's admirable. all the same...]
I understand now, why you said you never wanted to go back. I... imagine the punishments were more than just not earning any points?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 04:50 am (UTC)[For a moment his resolve wavers, but he swallows down the disgust he feels in his throat so he can speak again.]
It's why I let others check my body behind the screen. The reminders of those punishments don't just live in my memories.
[He's a skinny twink already from years of malnutrition, but he does seem shy about showing off his body.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 04:53 am (UTC)...Can I hug you?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 04:59 am (UTC)Sorry, I know it's heavy stuff.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 05:00 am (UTC)but as she does:]
...I did ask, you know.
[he has nothing to be sorry for.]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 05:15 am (UTC)[He hugs her a little tighter.]
Thank you. For listening, and wanting to listen in the first place.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 05:31 am (UTC)Listening is not so hard, you know.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 05:51 am (UTC)[He's sighs, and he'll pull away from the hug.]
I got kicked out of the orphanage because of my powers. At first I thought it was horrible, but I'm glad it happened. Because I left, I was able to find better people and make friends.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 01:35 pm (UTC)Your powers...?
no subject
Date: 2022-03-07 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-09 06:11 pm (UTC)I know what a wolf is, but...
no subject
Date: 2022-03-10 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-10 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-10 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-10 04:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
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